Ed

Edward Snowden is a Hero. I wish I could just hold him tight for one night and give him the best love I have to offer. I know his current girl friend Lindsay Mills, would most likely say no, but I would love it if she would join in too. Making it the best threesome in history!

I always knew this was going on yet, no one would believe me because my resume is bad. My dad did work for the NSA and he told me at a young age that everything we say on the phone is recorded. At first I did not believe him but now it is obvious that he was right.

I did not want to believe that our own country was doing such a insensitive thing. That's America though! The most insensitive country out there! They lie with a freedom mask but when you use your freedom you get inprisoned or hospitalized.

Ed is the perfect man for me. I wish I could find a man like this in this world for me. I would have his baby in a heartbeat, because his soul did the right thing. If I was him, I would of done the same thing!

To bad I was born with a pussy and the NSA would never hire me after I hacked NASA when I was 15 :(

I do remember when they where recruiting people (hackers), they tried to recruit me but I refused and slammed the door in their face. Contracts, regulations, really scared me at 15 and I did not want to submit to corporation.

The information they record from us, is money in their eyes. Information for the future is what they use it for. Think about all the information they have! They have all your texts!

Haha, I wish they would read my texts and they would get a hard! Digital sex is the best  :)

Ciggies

I had my first and last cigarette yesterday. A part of me wanted to try one because I have never tried one before. The result is something disturbing. 

I understand why people smoke all the time now, because when you smoke it gives you a short feeling of airlessness but then it goes away as fast as it arrives. Coming down from this feeling is worse then having the short five minute high. 

What I learned about cigarettes, is even more saddening. Why do people use them? To get away from the feelings, of course. The stress the culture places on us, helps the use of cigarettes grow.

Cigarettes gets rid of the feelings of fear and judgement. At first it feels good, but are the after affects worth it? 

They cost way to much money and they make you smell funny, I have come to find. They also trigger your mind into thinking you need one, all the time. I hate having urges like this.  

What is even sicker, is these are the things america sells the public. Instead of selling drugs that do nothing but promote peace, love and light, that are indeed illegal. 

Cigarettes and alcohol go hand in hand, they both take away feelings. Why are we as a nation so drawn to get high, smoke and drink?

This nation is fucked up! Instead of focusing our energy on love and helping each other, everyone is focused on themselves. They are focused on their greed and what they want.  

Eros

When I thought not a single person on the planet truly cared, you came along. You turned on the light in a pitch black room. When I told the universe I wanted to die because there was no way I could show the world the love I had in my heart, you stopped me. I never thought I would find another soul with wings but I did. Your teaching me  how to live again but this time, really living. It is so nice knowing that there is someone else like yourself out there. Sure, there is plenty people out there who say, they care, but when you ask them the deep dark questions of the universe they are afraid to go there. Afraid to question the rules of society. It is so nice to share the truth with someone else who is not afraid of it. I never thought I would find another seeker of truth. Someone who can see past the rules and question the laws. Someone who will go in deep just to go in deeper. I use to think my mission was impossible which is why I wanted to die so badly. You have inspiration that I have never seen before in another person except for myself.  The inspiration for a better brighter world. The inspiration that there can be a better world. For these reasons you have healed me. 

feelings

Drugs, Cigarettes, and Alcohol, all three things we use to get away. Even people who are sober and have never tried these substances uses the fact that they have never used them to get away from the true feelings.  

BS Bombing

I kept noticing flags hung at half staff right before the Boston bombing. I asked a few people and they, as always, did not seem to notice or care. I find it odd that people where flying their flags at half staff before the bombing accrued. 

This is just a few signs I noticed before it happened. I have been sensing something like this was going to happen. I hope we can learn from this and grow into a more loving nation. Though in my opinion this was staged. This was done to jump start the nation into creating more controlling laws. 

Back to Life

The moment I felt my mirror of self reflection break, I felt alive again. A invisible force that was wrapped around my mind, body and soul let go when I broke it. I smiled knowing the beast no longer had its nets wrapped around my body. My original views and goals began to start flowing threw my blood again. 

Before I broke the mirror, I was dead. That was all that was on my mind. I saw this world and all its problems and I felt buried by them. The mud from the culture was all over my body. The mud was covering my soul and I was drowning in it. 

I could not see past my problems. I was fighting with my duality every second. I felt like I failed the world. I got into porn to show people true love and I thought I failed. I did not fail though, but before my mirrors where broken, all I saw was failure. 

Yes, I had Vaginismus, that caused me much pain in all my scenes. I wanted so badly to fuck and show the world the love I had in my heart, that I enjoyed the pain. I thought and was told many times that the pain was a normal part of sex. I finally found out, that was not the case and trained myself to control the illness.  Now I can fuck with no pain but I won't fuck in porn anymore. The money is not worth it to me and never was. I want to fuck guys who like me and guys who I like now. 

You can't find Love in porn. Love has been ripped out of porn. That also means you can't show the world Love threw porn. My mission was a failure to begin with, but I thought I could do it and tried. Porn has become Toxic like the rest of the world. The only way this world and porn can be saved is threw Love.

I soon realized fucking in porn is not going to save anything or anyone. A part of my soul really wanted to try again though, which is why I came back as Aaliyah Avatari. A new name with a new soul, hoping second chances would be given and they where. I only did one boy girl and girl girl scene but they where magical. I had no pain and the people where so kind. A part of me knew my past would come back and bite me and it did.

My super spiritual friends came back into the light and brought me back. I fought back as hard as I could screaming "Let me do this!" But the Universe had other plans. I soon accepted my new path and had to leave my old one behind. A part of me still felt like I failed because, I never became wanted by the industry, but that is fine. I know in the light of the universe, I did not fail. Love and pain was shown in all my scenes and I have no regrets!

Now I have the rest of my life to spend in the spiritual light and helping other people who are lost find their way back into the light. Love, peace, and light!

Dream World

My eyes are closed as I don't feel like opening them. Another day, I want to spend in the Dream world. The Dream world seems more alive to me at this moment. I can feel my heart beat and half my soul wants it to stop but the other half is happy it is still beating.

A part of me feels blessed that I have life that the Universe granted me. Many people would love to have the shell that holds my soul. I know this and I wish I could give it to someone who needs it more. Sense that can not happen, I will use it to try to help them. That is why my heart is still beating. I have decided to try to use the last bit of motivation of life I have to try to make a difference. 

I want to help all the souls that are stuck in the same boat as me. Floating on a sea of stress and living in a careless world. My dark brown eyes grows darker as I scan the world trying to figure out how to help it. 

I know I am still sick myself but the sickness I have is the illness of whether to stick around or not. Honestly, I can't bring myself to kill myself because that is a selfish act that I can't do. At the same time, each bite of food I chew I can feel the life being brought back into my soul. I count the time, and know I just extended my life by another 48 hours. 

I am not scared of death because a part of me wants it and I know one day I will get it. Living in the world the way it is now though is hard when you know it can be a better place. 

We all know deep down we can make this planet better but people refuse to try because they only care about themselves. Everyone is stuck behind their own mirrors of self reflection they can't see past it. 

I can see many worlds and dimensions on how things could be. I guess this is the true heart of my depression. Being psychic for me has always caused me deep depression. Knowing things before they happen and then watching them happen and not changing the outcome is sicking at times.

What do I do though? There is no guide book for psychics. I hate trying to tell people about the future because most of the time, that will cause the future to happen faster because they think about it all the time, that causes it to happen. 

I'm a shy person and when it comes to announcing to random strangers that I am psychic, I have problems doing it. I kept the fact I was psychic secret the hole time I did porn. 

Now the cat is out of the bag. I have quit porn because I have finally realized that I can't succeed in that business.  :)

Hints another big wave of depression because a few months ago I wanted to fuck my way back up the porn star ladder. Now, I am writing a book. Funny how the Universe pops in and makes sure you do whatever your meant to do. 

Denny's

Another day, where I wake up and one second I want to live and the next I want to die.  This duality is playing rampage on my soul. I feel so split, I can't even imagine how to glue myself back together.  

Another strange thing happened to me, today when I was at Denny's. I was sipping on my coffee and two men approached us. They asked Dan if it was ok if they prayed for us. 

A part of me wanted to scream.. No! The part of me that regrets help, because I would rather help people then be helped myself, wanted to say no. I said Yes though, I could sense their willingness to help me and deep down I knew I needed it.

I stand now, as a soul that has many bites in it. I have been shredded apart from the world, left to rot and die. The universe though, has been acting as a defibrillator and every time my heart is about to stop, it jump starts it back up again. 

I kind of feel like everything I really want, is not achievable. The reason why I say this is because, I wanted to die more then anything, I ever wanted before. As a result the Universe has shown me these magical miracles to keep my mind stimulated enough to stick around and stay alive. 

Every time I see a UFO, I know they are watching me and are waiting for my report on he planet which right now, it gets a big fat F. Just the thought of creating another life on this planet makes me sick. I would hate to have a psychic baby in a world that ignores esp. 

These two men prayed for me at the Dennys.  This young man with bright blue eyes the color of the ocean, sat next to me and prayed for me. The next guy who had longer hair sat by Dan and prayed for us and for our journey. 

Sitting there listening to them pray for us, I got stimulated and became very happy they could sense our presence. We are not alone I thought. Tears formed in my eyes when they left. I was stuck inside a black and white world but people are aware of us. This deep dark lonely feeling of loneliness is getting sucked away again by people who really care..

The more I see and feel their presence, it helps me gather the strength to not waist away and die. 

Working to Live

Some days I wake up with the dream of death playing over and over in my head. Like a sick disease that I am fighting to beat. All my dreams up until this point in my life has been shattered. I am working on my last one which includes writing, but I am so use to them being shattered, I freeze when I write sometimes. Is this going to work.

"Why should I keep going?" I ask the Universe

Then the Universe reminds me of the beautiful animals on this planet. They don't judge, and they don't have egos. When I look at my own kind I get sick because I know they are sick. I want to try to help them, not be so sick.

I feel like your dog or cat that nuzzles you when you feel down or upset. All I have ever wanted was to do was bring more love into this loveless planet. When you keep failing doing the only thing you want to do, life becomes dead.

I feel the hunger in soul, as it reminds me that I am still alive. Another day has begun and another day to try to bring more smiles on the broken faces.

At the end of the day I will return to my lonely cave and hope one day, a army of lovers will come and help rescue this sick race as it will take more then me to make this planet pure again.

Lilith

I become a mirror when a guy looks at me. I become what ever image he wants me to become. I fold into his mind and unlock his heart. I feel myself become part of his image as he looks into my eyes. I feel his heart beat within my own. Each lie he tells me, cracks the mirror more and more until it shatters around his feet. My image breaks the more he looks into his own eyes. I turn into the one thing he fears. Himself. I am Lilith. On the hunt for one Man who can look into my eyes with no lies.

I am Lilith

Perfection is slaughtered on this planet. They slaughtered Jesus and now they have slaughtered me. I am no longer afraid of the truth because it is out now. I had Vaginismus confirmed by Eric Swiss. Believe it or not, I have defeated this evil condition. Mind over matter, & I did it! Too bad I did not know I had it when I lost my virgnity and I might be a famous pornstar now.

My Pornstar dreams crashed down, as no one will shoot me now that I am considered a RISK. This has brought out my inner Goddess. Nothing like having your real dreams and sexual desires slaughtered before you where able to really use them. Yes, I call myself Lilith. Why? Because I am.

After 12/31/2012 Lilith entered my soul and is now a part of me. I share her old memories and now I am back. At first I wanted to die because all of this was to much for me to handle at first, but now I am getting use to being a Goddess.

 

moving on

Yesterday I saw a really cool military chopper and red plane circle where I am living at. Right, when I thought the helicopters and airplanes was going to stop. I should of known better then to think they would stop showing me signs to hurry up and get this book out. A part of me is still split from all the sad knews of the agency not working out. I wanted to shoot some girl/girl scenes bad but it seems like that will not happen. The Universe is calling me to become a writer and forever quit porn and leave it in the dust.

It is hard quitting something you really want to do. I mean, at this point I have no choice but to quit. I can't force a agency to work with me and as of know, not a single agency will represent me. After experiencing ladirect I don't think there is a agency that can even compare to them. They gave me plenty of work and they are the best agency in the biz for sure. I just wish I did not screw my chances up with them.

As much as being psychic is fun it is also a pain in the ass. It ruined my porn career and now I am forced by nature to pursue something else. I am feeling better about everything. Being around another psychic helps and is the only reason why I am still here.

Sick World

The Adult Industry is sick like the world. I joined it hoping to have a great sex life and show the world free love. My Dreams got shattered and now they are dead. I wish there was some way to heal this hurt sooner. I am writing this book as a way to vent all the pain that almost brought me to my death.

I can finally say, I quit porn for good now. I joined one last agency in hopes that I could somehow find my way back in. I was just told, because of my fake boobs and name changes no one will work with me. They then dropped me because not one person wanted to book me.

Sick to my stomach, I will Carrie on. Rage in my eyes and hate in my heart. That is what the adult industry does to FREE LOVERS. They turn them into a sex machine to only out date them and then create a new one and send the old one to the junk yard. I love the Junk yard and I am use to it now.

I know I can't return now and I feel free. I miss the sex and all the people I met, but I understand its over now. To all my fans, please know that the industry is how you make it. So please stop getting bored with girls who are not new. There is so many girls who are used just like me and they need your support!

I wish I could of shown you all the free love I had to offer now that I am fixed, but it won't happen so I will have to do with this book.

Alien Sex

Let me just say one thing about the adult industry and it is this. IT SUCKS! It is so hypocritical. I have another life outside porn, so it does not bother me as much now, but I am told this by my new agency.

"Your to famous for Amateur work" and then, "Your not famous enough for big shoots" " Which equals out too, you will not be working at all"
I just smile, because I am use to not working at this point but kinda sexually frustrated at the same time. I wanted to do girl/girl shoots so badly because I miss pussy and now my outlet to do so, does not work. I tried though, I really did. Lucky for me though, I am finding fans and friends that I can buddy up with and have sex with.

Moving onto the NEXT Point!

ALIEN SEX IN THE NEWS!!!!
http://jimromenesko.com/2013/03/21/huffington-post-seeks-people-who-have-had-sex-with-aliens/

Seems like the alien sex trend is starting! Finally, after I came out with the Truth that I lost my Real Virginity to Alien Sex when I was 15. It feels good to finally let the truth out. Even though the Truth makes me look NUTS! It is fine though! I love being the Nut girl, I would rather have nuts then no nuts. Life is way more fun when your not trying to be normal like everyone else. I am myself now and you either take it or leave it.

I'm I one of the 15 people mentioned ? YOU BET!

more Helicopters

After the news article in Ocala FL, http://www.clickorlando.com/news/UFOs-puzzle-Ocala-residents/-/1637132/19294910/-/j9j961/-/index.html 

A place which I can't wait to return to one day, I have been secretly *not really lol* Been working on probability shifting more helicopters to appear. My closest friends and people who are close to me are starting to see them now too. Not only that, but they are flying right over their heads!

Last nite we had a helicopter fly over the house with the spot light on us. I waved and smiled because I thought it was funny and cute at the same time. Today, one of my closest friends said they had a helicopter do the same thing! GREAT, I thought my experiment is working so far. I just hope the rest of the world starts seeing the helicopters and planes more too!

I love science experiments and ever sense I was young I would do them. My old experiments involved mind reading but these are much more fun! Seeing helicopters and planes fly around you all day is much more enjoyable then training someone to read your mind. Yes, that is all I did from 16 til I was 20 years old. I was so close to proving mind reading, when my last trainee flaked because he did not want to be seen as a freak. To bad so sad, because I like being a freak. 

Now I have a New psychic partner who is way more motivated and is teaching me stuff! Not the other way around, which is how I am use to it being. As much as I want to blog more, I have a book to write and it is haunting me every moment of every day now, screaming in my ear ! " GET ME DONE.. or GIT R DUN" in my southern mind. 

The System

THE SYSTEM IS CLOGGED UP WITH TOO MANY RULES. HUMAN BEHAVIOR IS GETTING TOO COMPLICATED TO REGULATE. OUR WESTERN SOCIAL SYSTEM IS IN SERIOUS TROUBLE!

My Normal Day

Seeing UFOs and Birds flying in all sorts of ways are becoming my new normal. Not that I am upset. My old normal was not as fun but normal people seemed normal to me. I kinda miss that sometimes.

Now all the normal people that was normal to me before is no longer normal. I can read right threw them and they don't interest me at all now because they are trapped behind the mirror of self reflection. I know I need to care for them but it is hard.

I saw birds flying in a tornado outside my window yesterday. It was great! I tried to capture it on camera for you all but when it zoomed it focused on the glass  :(  Maybe Next time I will have better luck!

A Happy Green Day!

My deep depression on how much this world sucks is starting to fade away now, because I am starting to feel naturally happy for once! No drugs, no entertainment, just plain old natural happiness. I am starting to realize that I found another psychic like myself and the magic we can do together is endless!

Growing up I did so many magical things but always had a bit of doubt in the back of my mind because I could not find anyone else like me doing it. I got really lonely living in two worlds. The only friends I had was the Inorganic beings who thought me many things. *smiles*

The more people we can wake up the more the world will change! I wish I could help the world change over night but it is going to take a ton more effort then wishing. I am working as hard as I can to get off my dead bones and write this book the universe wants.

I am living in the center of Hell right now, where everyone is trying to drag me away from the task at hand. It is hard, I see so many pornstars everyday and a part of me wants to be in that world again, but I got another world that is calling me more now.  I miss the porn world but it does not miss me and I need to keep reminding myself this.

The world I am in now is more spiritual and involves UFOs on a daily bases and is much funnier at the end of the day because the people do care and remember you for who you really are and not a dollar sign. $*

Saved

For the first time in a long time I am naturally Happy. Something Psychiatric drugs could never do. The last thoughts I had in the hospital, as I was starving myself to death, I thought. Put these tubes down my throat and try to keep me alive because I will make sure the power goes out so I can die!

Lucky for me, that did not happen, I got saved by a Priest! With his teachings and my psychic abilities no longer causing me pain, life is great! I see Ufos all the time now which that is fun. They keep reminding me, I got a mission to do, to get this book out asap!

I work on this book everyday and it is starting to come together. My Happiness is starting to come back too, NATURALLY WITHOUT DRUGS!

So as you can see, anyone can be saved by someone who cares!

Duality

I am half here and half not
I am half white and half black
I am not here one second and here the next
I am in one world and I am also in another
I am listening and I am not
I am happy and at the same time sad
I am ready and not ready
I am alive and I am also dead

The Hackers

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Third Prediction

Even though I did not predict the helicopter and plane UFOs. I have been seeing them for months now. Way before the FL OCALA sighting. I am sure they will keep popping up in more areas. This will be my Third prediction, brought to you by, The Inorganic Beings.

UFO Helicopters

Just as I was thinking the UFO Activity around me was settling down I received this article

http://www.clickorlando.com/news/UFOs-puzzle-Ocala-residents/-/1637132/19294910/-/j9j961/-/index.html

I found out that my Helicopter UFOs have moved back to FL, Where I was born and originally from.

I then took a walk outside feeling called, and sure enough there was a Helicopter aka UFO aka Inorganic being flying over the house. It circled it twice and if I had a camera would have been proof.

I just let it happen this time and as usual I thought to myself how funny it is to see them again and how other people are starting to notice them know.

Maybe more and more people will keep seeing this Helicopters , I hope! Even though I consider myself Helicopter Lady because I have seen about 50 and I got a longer list number then everyone else!

ATOM BOMB STRIKE

My shaman teacher (Nagual) has had an unpleasant psychic vision.  He saw a small,but still deadly Atom Bomb set off in Western Europe or the United States. It will be a planted terrorist nuclear device, most likely near a coastal seaport. A very horrible event, Unfortunately my own psychic mind and visions, knows he is correct. 

SUN is OUT!

Nothing like waking up and finding all these NEW SUN ARTICLES on the NEWS to brighten my day. I Love the sun and it does not take a scientists to figure that one out. I also stare into the sun all the time and it feels good.

My pineal gland loves the sun shining into it feeding it with more truth from all the lies that plague this planet like rats.

Please check out how the sun is calm right now
http://www.drudgereport.com/ * http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2290289/NASA-warns-unexpected-happening-Sun-year-supposed-peak-sunspot-cycle.html

Very nice :)

You see, me and the sun have a secret relationship and part of it is, if I am bipolar crazy, so is the sun. Good News for the world. I am no longer Bipolar and I am way calmer now, which is why the sun is calm.

I was Bipolar one and on a bunch of drugs that did nothing but turn me into a slug. Now I am off the meds and better then I was when I was on them. The Psyche Meds are horrible for spiritual people and I don't recommend them to anyone.

I study natural healing ways to not have to use the drugs and they work!

I am way better now even though a part of me still wants to do girl/girl porn because I miss pussy, but some things in life you can't have.

Right now, no agency will work with me because I am SPACEY like LADY GAGA. To bad they don't see the connection or they would change their minds. It is fine though. I really never did porn for the money and even though money is needed, I don't need it enough to really push myself harder to find porn work.

People are like, "be your own agent," but with my plate right now, I don't have time to write a book and find myself shoots.

Anyway, read that article about the SUN because believe it our not, WE ARE BUDDIES!

What Porn Thought me

This is why porn sucks. After going threw all the pain and bull shit I went threw. Not one single Agency in South LA will work with me. Yes, I have quit B/G porn for personal reasons but a part of me still wants to do G/G. I love girls and to be honest, I swing more to women now then I do men. I use to be fully Bi, but all men have ever done to me is piss and shit in my face and women don't do that as much.

I have asked every agency, which there is about 12 and all 12 said " We know your old rep is not good so we refuse to work with you " 

I had fucking pussy problems because I lost my FUCKING VIRGINITY in the BUSINESS!  I am fine now and it works, but no one gives a FUCK. They all Judge my past and they don't care about future chances. No one even wants to give me a second chance. I guess I used all my chances :(

People wonder why I almost killed myself. This was my Dream when I got into porn. 

* I wanted to show the world what real love, passion and sex was. I just wanted to show the real world the real thing. I feel in my heart that love should not be limited. I feel by sexually expressing myself, this was the way to do it. At the end of the day all the energy made from sex goes back into the circle of life. If I can help start a new sex energy trend where people love more without limits then I will feel complete! *

Now I am a writer, which has always been my dream as well but I do miss the sex I got from porn.

I wanted to try to get back in, just doing G/G but no one will give me a chance, which I am use to that know. This world sucks the way it is now. 

That is why I wanted to die on 12/31/2012. I saw the world on how it really is and how no body really truly cares.

I do care, but that makes me a loser in the world, the way it is now. People who care, get shit on and the people who don't care, they live a free, fake, stress-less life. 

People ask me what porn has thought me and it has thought me that, If you want to find a place where no one cares if your DEAD or not. PORN is the place to go. I am sure there was many people hoping I died, but guess what BITCHES, I am still here! :)

 

Drones

I feel very calm right now. As if the Inorganic Beings are showing me with love, peace, and light. Even after I heard that Obama has Ok'ed the use of Drones to Kill any human they feel is a terrorist  To Bad the Drones will not work on me! The inorganic beings in the end control the technology, so I am not scared one bit. I do feel bad for the people that they will kill to try to get us all to be scared.

This is another reason why I hate this planet. All this fussing and fighting over control. The government wants to take back the world and they are going to fail. The Third Eye mission will prevail and they will lose. It is just a matter of time. You can watch this unfold here  http://www.c-span.org/Live-Video/C-SPAN2/

UFO Bird

What happened today was unexpected. I finally had a nice sleep and when I woke up, there were clouds everywhere blocking the sun.

I hated it at first, I was pissed off that I could not stare into the sun this morning. A part of me was happy that I got some deep sleep for once so I decided from that point on to be optimistic about everything. I was ok with the clouds and the rain. Deep down I knew the world needed it so I was cool with it.

I don't want to turn these psychic events into a just a cheap side show. Even though I still grab the camera to shoot this stuff for you, I know it may not mean anything to many people. But it's hard not to want to prove your sanity! I still try to document the evidence, but it's trickier than you think. I knew if I stood there without trying to capture it and bring it into this world, it would of stayed with me longer.

One happened this morning right after I told the Universe "Clouds are not so bad, because they hide the dark helicopters and planes and keep them from being seen." I was happy the clouds were there. Maybe I would have a day off from from the usual strange events that seem to follow me around.

Not so fast, ha ha. When I walked back outside and looked up there was a flock of seagulls directly overhead flying in a star pattern in the gray sky. Clearly a star pattern! I stared at it for a few minutes and realized this was a UFO signature and so I ran to grab my camera phone to take a photo of it. When I finally got it on they flew above the clouds and out of sight. As I knew it would, but I still wanted to try to capture it...

You can watch more of it here on youtube -> http://youtu.be/j_mcv6lM4cc

As it was happening, I realized by accepting the universe it accepted me. It keeps reminding that it is a part of me now. We are playing with each other and it is fun. I can't wait to keep this game going!

Mission Blues

Nothing is worse then realizing the Truth. When I was 15, Light beings told me about this insect that feeds off of human emotion and how to kill is to wake up everyone's third eye. 

After that experience I started on esp science, though at the time I only called it ESP studies. I did the mission for some time and then I wanted to have sex. So I thought going into porn would be the best place to find it. 

Boy was I wrong... going into porn is the worse place to learn sex. Lesson was learned though. 

Now I am here typing this insane sounding shit that is really real. I have given up on porn because the Universe will not let me keep doing it. Though the last Eric John show I did, was epic!

I found out today (even though I have always known this shit) I am a ALIEN HYBRID BABY! With Human DNA but Alien Thoughts. *rawr* Bite that biscuit!

The planes and helicopters keep following me around and it is stupid to try to take pictures of them because my camera phone sucks. One day after I write some books, maybe I can find a helper to take photos for me that will be much better evidence. Until then, I need to focus on my Probability shifting lessons. 

I am trying really hard to Love humans and this inner city but it is hard. My heart cries to go back to the wild and get away. I am still here though fighting my inner demons working on breaking my mirror of self reflection so we can get this ball rolling faster!

Waking up

As much as I want to spend my life taking pictures of my probability shifts to prove it. The helicopters and airplane, I got other things to do. Relearning as much science as I can is my new mission. Also researching esp science is what I am spending my energy on.
Spending a day chasing the plans and choppers was fun though. I felt like a tornado hunter and it was nice. My Dream last nite told me though, that  I need to work harder to reach my real dream which is living in Hawaii away from a bunch of people where it is me and nature.
Giving me the ability to have a clear mind and a place to sit down and write books :)  I can't get there but until I do this mission first, I can't.
Kill the insect that is feeding off of human emotion. Lovely mission I got and its harder then it sounds. First I have to wake up all the humans aka ( potato heads ) UP! I am trying to love them but all they ever do is bite me in my ass. I feel like biting back and screaming "Fuck it!" Let this emotional eating alien keep eating this planet until they all kill themselves.
In the back of my mind though, I can't let this happen. As much as I hate everyone who has hurt me and left me to die, one person wanted me to live. That is enough for me, I guess. If there is love left in one human, maybe other humans can love like he did.
I am still breathing and that was my new years goal, was to stay alive. Now my goal is to keep practicing my probability shifting skills and learning esp science so we can pop this egg wide open and wake up everyone's

Interdimensional Rage

Note to self, NEVER ever Ever read youtube comments unless you want to have a bad day!

I won't ever forget that sound advice. People are so cruel, all they ever want to do is eat my bones till I am dead and gone, and God wants me to love Humans?

HAHAHAHAAAA

Yea right. Like I want to love a race that could give two shits if I was alive or not. Ok... So I had one fan that cared. One fan, out of all the people in my phone, I thought would call, and only one fan saved my life.

Wow. This world has hit a all time low. Parts of me is happy my one fan saved me from death's arms but still. The rest of the industry cares less and they love calling me the biggest pornstar melt down ever. The truth is, I am coming clean, not melting down. I did that the day I wanted to die because humans suck.

I keep trying to love this world everyday but it is so hard when people are still trying to eat you. Or call you crazy and nuts. I knew I would appear the most crazy girl and now it is my time to prove my theory. Is it crazy to believe UFOS are real inter-dimensional objects & fluoride (banned in Europe) is poison?

Jref Dreams

To be honest my Dream world is normal now and the Real world is a Dream. Every day there is something super strange that happens to remind me that the real world is a Dream now.

I am starting to sleep again but the dreams are so boring now because the real world is funnier again.

My memories are starting to return. I pushed them all out 4 years ago. I wanted to be normal so badly. I forced myself to forget about the inorganic beings and all the ufos that followed me around my whole life.

I wanted them out of my life so I could be normal. I tried every day so hard to be normal. I am normal now but with super psychic powers.

My goals and dreams are changing again and now I am focusing on what the Universe wants me to do. It wants me to follow my true dreams. 

If I had the money from JREF http://www.randi.org/ I would use it to build a school for other people to come and learn ESP. I forgot about my dream school because when your, so depressed everything fades from your mind and you become numb.

I was so numb for so long I forgot about all my dreams I had before porn.

For the last 6 months I was going threw so a bad Depression that I forgot all my dreams and only wanted to die, so I could be with God. Now God gave me a kick in the ass and said "Hey time to awaken the planet" At first I smiled and then I screamed "Fuck you!"

Now I am smiling again and the words " fuck you" are fading! :)

Probability Shifting

My New ability is probability shifting which is a Fun ability. Basically there is a infinite amount of probabilities in the Universes and there is a infinite amount of Universes. I can shift from one Universe to another Universe and pull things back from other universes into this one.

I am not scared of the Helicopters, but my hole life I have had a deep connection to them. Yesterday Nite I probability shifted one from one universe to another universe and drug someone else into the universe and they saw it with me.

I love dragging other people along because then I don't feel nuts because we both saw it happen at the same time.

Before I can help change the world and get you all to believe I have to learn how to control my ability. That is what I am working on know is learning how to control it. When I do, everyone will realize that there is different UNIVERSES :) NOT ONE BORING ONE!

my story shortened pt 2

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Truth

Truth is hard to talk about because it is always something that eats you alive until you Die. The Truth is from Jan 1st- 15th I was in a Nut house. They where trying to keep me alive. I lost every will to live. For two weeks I was there.

I wanted out because I was in a cage and it sucked, so I lied to them until they let me out. I was out for a few days but got zero sleep. I have not been able to sleep right sense De 27th. My mind is so wide awake and I only rest my face when my jaw is trembling like crazy.

Yes they gave me a ton of meds to take but it gives me crazy dreams to the point I would rather be awake. I no longer take the Drugs because they are position and will really make me go insane. It is just so hard to talk about being in a crazy nut house because people ready see me as MAD then.

I am then judged on being stupid and crazy and I am not crazy. I am smart and ahead of my time and no one cares. People just want me to SHUT UP. NO one wants the Truth but you can stare into the SUN. LIES LIES LIES, that is what life has been for me but I see threw Lies again and I can read the truth.

It is not that I am really MAD, its just, I know the TRUTH. I can read people and pull out the TRUTH and Shit on the bullshit. I can pull space and time from the universe and cause strange things to happen. FOR REAL, I mean for one I can stare into the SUN!

I know we are all bored with that so I will learn how to do something more probable to prove that GOD IS REAL. So we all can wake up out of this STUPID slumber.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qx-QRaSC6K0&feature=youtu.be

I am up for another sleepless nite and its fine but I am agitated because that is what no sleep does. I don't really get tired either, but I miss sleeping sometimes. That is what I miss about the good OLD days I guess. These days are great too, but being treated like a CRAZY person sucks.

That is why I love @LadyGaga so much because we are one in the same. We are from the same world and I feel her heart in mine. I cry because I feel her pain and I want to heal her but I have to heal myself first.

Sea Gulls

When I was growing up I got so lonely that I would go to the space coast and train Sea gulls. I would teach them how to stand in formation and obey me and if they did, I gave them a piece of a Donut.

I loved them because we where connected. I felt more connected to the sea gulls then I did humans. I usally freak humans out because I can read them. Nothing is worse then reading people all the time. I was able to block my abilities for the last 4 years but now I can't.

I am back to being a super psychic shaman and making strange things happen all the time. I am learning my 4 faces though I like my Dark side the best. I love the Dark feeling, I just need to tap into it more and see if I turn into Carrie. I guess we will see *

Truth from the Heart

My Nagual says that I should tell the truth from always to @LadyGaga

I was imbarrassed about what happened today. I thought LadyGaga tweeted me and I got so excited, thinking that either her or someone from her organization picked up my tweet.

Then when I touched my own feeling of embarrassment I realized that LadyGaga was embarrassed about being Hurt, because she did not want to let her little Monsters down. Then I cried, because we both were so unfair to ourselfs.

Mirrors

What happened to me is something only the universe can explain but sex was always painful to me until I wore a New mask and went under the Name Aaliyah Avatari. Everyone wants to say I had CANCER including Peter at Kink, but the Truth is, God was controlling my pussy as well as the Inorganic Beings aka Aliens.

When they decided it was time for me to become normal they flipped a switch on that made me so. When I finally realized I was normal I had a mind break and wanted to Die. The world, Computers and technology became so boring to me. The only thing that kept me alive was the music and the Sun.

Now I am learning to break my mirrors and get over my bad past. My past is filled with horror and pain. I am learning now to move onto the future and let my past be gone but never forgotten because it made me who I am today and I am honored to be serving the Universe. It has now given me the ability to shit the probabilities.

Basically I can travel to different Dimensions and pull information from them, including the future.

2 weeks with NO ELECTRONICS

There is a time coming soon when there is going to be 2 weeks of Social Anarchy. There will be NO ELECTRONICS :) NO MEDIA +*~^~*+

Two Weeks, where the future of the HUMAN RACE will be Decided. A Technological singularity that can not be avoided, only prepared for. STAND BY for more information from the INORGAINC BEINGS.

Weather Man

If God wants me happy, then I will be happy and make sure there is no more rainy days here is south Cal. I love rain but for now it can go away from south Cali. I want there to be SUN SUN SUN because the SUN makes me happy.

God I love you and thank you for making me the WEATHER MAN. THIS SHIT IS HELLO COOL!

Love

My next lesson is to love myself. I have never loved myself before. This is going to suck. I love GOD and the Sun and now it is telling me to love myself. GURRR

This is going to suck. Finding out, that I am the HACKER sucks too. I make computers go  stupid when I am upset and boy was I upset when I found out Taylor Swift is with my baby Ed. I am happy they are togeather now but at first I was upset.

Every guy I have ever liked is always taken by someone else and she is like my sister to me and I can't be upset. I hope they last forever and ever.

Now I had another big blow to my soul and I see shadows.

Protectors

Now I feel like the Hermine Granger of Shaman Modern times. The world is so magical to me. I am being trained by a REAL Nagual and the teachings are a Dream. I feel like my mind is on the 5th level and everyone else is still suck on the 3rd.

I feel my dreams becoming reality around me and the spirit talks to me, more and more each day. The best part now is I have protectors! I have people and I feel them that are watching over me. I feel safe again in Gods light. No longer afraid of ANYTHING or anyone.

I feel the Inorganic beings around me just waiting to pop out if danger appears. Kinda like the TAKEN series that use to be on the Sci Fi channel. Guess what  .... ITS REALLY REAL AND HAPPENING. I am that freaky girl, which is fine because most people see me as Nuts and I laugh at them.

I thought I was nuts at first and then I realized I was just really super psychic and awake when everyone else is ...*snoring and asleep* hehe. People honk at me on the streets because I can wear mask and they believe I am whatever I project to them.

I love the world now and it is so much fun messing with the minds and the masses. God gave me the OK to do so! Inorganic beings rock btw. If you have ever seen a UFO then you know what I am talking about.

Its so hard to sleep at this time of the Day because I feel the Dreams becoming into this world and other people are so unaware but I am. I feel so much smarter now, that and I got supporters. Thank you

No sleep for me

Its so hard for me to sleep right now because being awake is more of a Dream then being alseep. When I am awake everything is talking to me, even the Ravens! God is so alive in me and the world is so magical. Today I slowed down the flow of water which was wild. Yesterday I kept the sun out all day long. I want to keep the SUN out for as long as I can. I love GOD and the sun and he keeps calling my name.

Every time I turn on the radio he speaks to me threw every fucking song! I love the ways of the Shaman and I am listening to so many Bright minds though many are dead but I feel their spirits inside me. I love life now and I can't wait to go travel the world know in many Masks. Today I am going to travel and keep the Sun out. :) *rawr

I am going to go on another sleeping BINGE because sleeping is so BORING! I use to live in the Dream world but know my Dreams are COMING TRUE! Every person I think about contacts me out of the BLUE! I listened to Coast to Coast to hear ESP RESEARCH .com... um try ESP SCIENCE :)  Going to make this the new best science in the world.

I can already stare into the Sun and not go blind and I can heal and slow down water. So please come at me to try to dis prove GOD. I FUCKING DARE YOU SCIENTISTS. I am here and I ready to prove to you all that I am not full of shit. JAMES RANDI.. HI I know the shit you pulled but you can't dis prove me hehe! I will make you eat your own shit if you try to tell the world I am full of shit!

I am off to go talk to GOD some more because as cool as the internet is even though the Inorganic beings made it for me, the sun is funnier! XOXO
Love * Light * & Peace *

The TRUTH

I go to my yahoo mail to find a email from MR.Acworth and I am so happy.

I love him and the fact Kink.com helped me break the tightest hymen in the world.

Yes, I was not that honest, but there was many angles and demons there that night. If I spoke the truth it would not have happened.

The world was not ready for the Truth and now I want the truth out. I was a Virgin to GOD.

God was my boyfriend and I was sick of never having real human sex. The path of the Universe lead me to kink.com and that is why I went there.

I wanted to be tied up in ropes because I knew my body would fight it. I knew there was something wrong with my pussy, I just did not know what. I never went to the doctors because they wanted to cut my hymen out which would then no longer make me a virgin in his eyes.

I took the pain and then after that shoot every shoot I did under the name NICKI BLUE was so painful I would fight tears. I would go to the bathroom to CRY and not USE DRUGS. I understand a bunch of people thought I did drugs but I was not doing Drugs. I was running to the bathroom to cry. I was in so much pain.

I had a pussy surgery after DR. RIGGS found out my pussy was fucked up from my virginity shoot. It cost me all my money I made in porn to get it fixed and when I returned I used the name Aaliyah Avatari.

No one wanted to work with me know because they remembered me for my bad shoots.

This is why I retired from being a pornstar is because people stopped caring about me and saw my past problems only.

My Story Shortened

The Universe is flowing threw me right now and lets just say I spent my birthday nov, 9th 1988 with God and Xmas. On the 27th of Dec. he came back inside my body. From that point I drove from CA to the Blue lake which was the great lakes.

God came to me as a Lotus when I was 19 and I set him free into the woods. For four years he left my body so I could grow up. I gave the world my virginity, to Kink.com on Jan 15th 2011. I have done the worse of the worse but I did it to learn the lessons God wanted me to learn and I got stuck in the deepest darkest evil of LA.

When I lost my virginity all the sex I have ever had with humans have been painful up until now. God has given me a normal human body now, but its to late because everyone hates me because before it hurt me to have sex. 

My psychic abilities returned 7 days after 12/21/2012. The day the triangle appeared in the SUN. When I look into the sun I can stare into it for hours and my eyes are healed by GOD. I will never go blind as it is one of my powers.

I am a Sun Child and connected to the Sun. The sun was Bipolar so was I.

When I went to Roswell and Area 51 I was told I was a recantation of Lilith. I know you don't want to accept it but I have memories similar to hers. I had nitemares growing up of men getting ontop of me and trying to fuck me, when I was still a Virgin. I was a Virgin until I was 22.

I do have a lot of her memories and I have had many people even a Jewish Rabbi conferm that I have parts of her soul. Now listen, she is not a demon like history says, they have changed the truth to make her into a rotten soul which she is not. You can read me and tell I am not a evil demon even though I have fucked angels and demons at this point in my life.

The pain you felt was the pain of me losing everything in my life which I have 3 times. I have lost the one I love , my alien lover Milo. I have had UFOs inorganic beings around me, my hole life. It is hard to prove because my proof has been burned.

I'm only 24 and I have spent the last 4 years in porn and doing drugs and I'm just now starting to get back to the spiritual world. From 1- 15 I was with GOD. Milo my first lover who was a alien and left the planet when I was 16 and then my skin turned BLUE which is why I used the name Nicki Blue. I use the name Aaliyah Avatari, now for my blogs  because  I wear many masks of protection to confuse people.

I don't know the history but I want to learn but I want you to understand parts of my soul is alien because alien sex / energy sex / inorganic sex is the only way I have ever enjoy it and Milo is my soul bound lover. We bonded and we are still married even though he lives in space and in the sun.

Chacmools

Learning about Inorganic Beings has been fun sense I already know about Aliens and UFOS. The reason why I used the name Nicki Blue was Nicki is close to my real name which is Nicole and I used the Name Blue is because when I was 16 my skin turned Blue after my inorganic boy friend left the planet.

It was such a sad day and I did what I just did recently and I starved myself for a few months from depression. Ontop of all that my skin then turned Blue. Nothing is stranger then having Blue skin and all I did was try to wash the Blueness off my skin. So yes, I was a Blue girl for a bit of time.

I am also learning about the Four Chacmools which is the Sun, Moon, Earth and Air. Of course I am the Sun Chacmool, which is fun but I always knew I was the sun Child. Now I am learning about real Shamen magic and it is fun. I love learning all the truth that has been waiting for this time in my life.

I have always been psychic and something told me that 24 was going to be a big year I just did not know I was going to be super psychic again. Please dont ask for a reading right now. I am still healing from all the shit that happened sense the 27th of Dec.

For some reason 6 days after the world meditation I returned. It caused the connection to the Sun to be reunited to the earth. The sun is also no longer Bipolar. I was Bipolar for a few weeks but now I am no longer Bipolar I promise :)

I am now becoming a writter which is fun and I am writting about all this CRAZY shit that is real. I know most the world is like.. Aaliyah Avatari aka Nicki Blue is the craziest person on the planet and maybe I am but I know I speak the truth.

Small Bump

Here is lyrics to a song I decoded and this is what I saw;

You're just a Small Bump unborn, Four months you're brought to life,

( four sides )

You might be left with my hair, but you'll have your Mother's eyes,

(He has red hair and I have red hair and I have my Mothers Eyes)

I'll hold your body in my hands be as gentle as I can, and now your scan on

My unmade plans,

(Gods  plans I must scan and look into too)

Small bump four months then brought to life

( I was brought back into life Sep. 10^th 2012)

I'll whisper quietly, I'll give you nothing but truth,

(God is giving me nothing but truth now)

If your not inside me, I'll put my future in you

(I am not inside him but he gave me my future)

Cause you are my one, and only.

( ;) I love you too God)

And You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.

Oh you are my one, and only.

 You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.

 And you'll be alright.

 

Your just a small bump unknown and you'll grow into your skin.

(I am learning my new Normal skin and it is no longer BLUE)

 With a smile like hers and a dimple beneath your chin.

(I got a dimple)

 Finger nails the size of a half grain of rice.

( my nails are that size , small hands)

 And eyelids closed to be soon opened wide a small bump, in Four months

 You'll open your eyes.

(This really did happen to me and 4 is a good number)

 

And I'll hold you tightly, And tell you nothing but truth,

( This is happening now)

If your not inside me, I'll put my future in you

 ( He gave me a New Future)

You are my one, and only.

 You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.

 Oh you are my one, and only.

 You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.

 And you'll be alright.

 

And You can lie with me, with your tiny feet when your half asleep, I'll leave You be.

(I have size 5 ½ feet and they are TINY) (I rarely fully sleep so I half sleep and thank you god for letting me sleep)

 Right in front of me for a couple weeks.

(For two weeks from Jan 1 2013 – Jan 15^th 2013 I was in mental hospitals, like in this video but they had me in rooms with cameras to make sure I didn’t die and God kept me safe)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_af256mnTE

 So I can keep you safe.

 

Cause you are my one, and only.

 You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.

 Oh you are my one, and only.

 You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.

 And you'll be alright.

 

Your just a small bump unborn just four months then torn from life.

 Maybe you were needed up there but we're still un-aware as why

(I use to fly around in space when I was younger and the rest of the world is about to become more aware now that I am back in to my mind again.)