A part of me feels blessed that I have life that the Universe granted me. Many people would love to have the shell that holds my soul. I know this and I wish I could give it to someone who needs it more. Sense that can not happen, I will use it to try to help them. That is why my heart is still beating. I have decided to try to use the last bit of motivation of life I have to try to make a difference.
I want to help all the souls that are stuck in the same boat as me. Floating on a sea of stress and living in a careless world. My dark brown eyes grows darker as I scan the world trying to figure out how to help it.
I know I am still sick myself but the sickness I have is the illness of whether to stick around or not. Honestly, I can't bring myself to kill myself because that is a selfish act that I can't do. At the same time, each bite of food I chew I can feel the life being brought back into my soul. I count the time, and know I just extended my life by another 48 hours.
I am not scared of death because a part of me wants it and I know one day I will get it. Living in the world the way it is now though is hard when you know it can be a better place.
We all know deep down we can make this planet better but people refuse to try because they only care about themselves. Everyone is stuck behind their own mirrors of self reflection they can't see past it.
I can see many worlds and dimensions on how things could be. I guess this is the true heart of my depression. Being psychic for me has always caused me deep depression. Knowing things before they happen and then watching them happen and not changing the outcome is sicking at times.
What do I do though? There is no guide book for psychics. I hate trying to tell people about the future because most of the time, that will cause the future to happen faster because they think about it all the time, that causes it to happen.
I'm a shy person and when it comes to announcing to random strangers that I am psychic, I have problems doing it. I kept the fact I was psychic secret the hole time I did porn.
Now the cat is out of the bag. I have quit porn because I have finally realized that I can't succeed in that business. :)
Hints another big wave of depression because a few months ago I wanted to fuck my way back up the porn star ladder. Now, I am writing a book. Funny how the Universe pops in and makes sure you do whatever your meant to do.
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