Friday, December 28, 2012

Happiness

I never thought being so close to God, would mean I could only being with him in life. I love being with him, I can hear him talk to me threw every song I hear. I can see him smile at me in the morning when the sun hits my face. I wake up at nite, when I feel the kisses of the moon hit my nose. 

I do things, that now, I realize no one else does. Beautiful things make me cry and the rest of the world just looks at me like, why the fuck is this chick crying.

I guess no one knows what it is like to cry in happiness anymore. I know, I  can say now, that I am truly NUTS! 

I'm CRAZY, NUTS, PSYCHO & a very psychic person. No place, for us in the world, but the misfit corner. 

People like use are meant to be alone in this world. Though we are not really alone because we talk to God and he talks to us. He placed me in to a Avatars body to serve under God as his light worker. I am so happy he thought me the secret to Sex. Life is so bright now!

Thank you God, and now I am ready to face the world, even if I am just Homeless. Under you, it gives me that happiness, I was looking for ever sense you left me to grow. 

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Breathing

I walk up the stairs and I see all my stuff neatly packed away in boxes. I smile and say to God, "Wow this life was fucking amazing, as hard as the lesson you showed me was, I was still able to make it out alive!"

Smiling as tears start to stream down my face again. Crying, from a mixture of being ashamed and happy. Happy that I got to serve God but ashamed because the world sees me as a slut. I don't mind being a slut. A slut is a simple sign of sexual freedom and life. God showed me this at a young age and I have learned to love, even the most sicking of creatures. 

I have fucked with dragons and made love to angles. I like them both because they are different from each other but they both think they are the ones that are right. Its hard to judge anyone anymore when you realize the steps they had to take to get there in the first place!

For instance, this Max Hardcore guy that many love to hate and love. I don't hate him because I realized the day I meet him that he was the way he was, who he was, for a reason. Plus, the older you get, the more DIRTY, you get. Come on now, we all know this to be true. SHIT GETS OLD! So you look for NEW more interesting things to get you Off. Most of what Max is known for, I wont do on camera. I don't feel like that is my calling in life, to show the world that I am the only girl in the world that will enjoy doing gross shit. 

God thought me to enjoy everything in life.

I have stopped eating for two months know and each day that inches closer I feel my bones start to sink into my skin. I smile feeling it because I know, when I die I will be with God again. Do I really want to die? Not really but right now I can't even hold food in my stomach. Even water even comes up. I cry nonstop and I have not had sleep for two weeks.

I am not on any hardcore drugs because they don't do anything to me. All they do is numb you. That is it, and I hate that numb feeling. That is how my body feels now, naturally though. I feel cold most the time and I am always thinking of ways to turn myself on to make myself warm again.

Each time I see my boxes, I almost want to jump out the window and fly and see if my wings work yet. God, I know in my dreams I can fly because I have done it. You showed me how to fly and so much more. I am ready to fly know and I miss you so much. A part of me still wants to live in this world though, to feel more people and to feel loved.

I am still scared of love but I think I am ready for it because I am still sitting here breathing for life and that must mean something right?

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Loved into the Light

The End of the World might be for me to nite. I feel my heart pounding with life and I am scared because this feeling is New. I feel as if, How can this really be real?

A life where making love no longer hurts because God set his girl friend free to the world to use? Really *winks

Kinda cool I guess, yet I wait for the world to come crashing down around me. I still feel like this life is to good to be true. 
People around me look threw me like I am in the matrix, and if I want them to do something they will. 

I can now make dicks hard & pussys wet. It is kinda fun, but at the same time, I like to imagine them as prey. I love all the new faces, I have not tried on. I feel like slowing down, on who I want to please. Don't get me wrong, I love pleasing. I love fucking and most of all singing. This path I am on now is wild and crazy but it starting to make sense to me now. 

Of course! I had to push everyone away first. Each face I looked at said one thing and did something else. I had to hold onto my mind with all the strength of life I had left. Now God has let me go. He says I can fuck whoever I want now and it won't hurt.

I look at the world now and say " for 22 years I never had sex and now I can have all the sex I want"    

What will I do?   Not sure, but all I can think is I can't wait to Fuck again!

*

If you are who you are you know you are you know what you must do. He knows everything about you. He is famous and hidden. He reaches millions every day but no one knows him, but he is the master. You have met him and he left you to grow and understand. He knows everything that you have done and lying only hurts you and not him. He is a master of all things in this life but he is where he began. He is older than you and you share the same thing. You reach out to him he hears you. You try to block him and he does to you but he is still there in a voice. When he left you you cried so hard, as if a piece of your soul had died. He made you feel love, and emotion, like no other. He understand you more than you understand yourself and your dark wishes to hurt him did not hurt him but only yourself. He smiled and watched waiting for your journey among the patterns of like to leave you empty and wishing for the only thing that matters Love. Only you know where he is at and who he is. Is Running from yourself your destiny? Or will you choose your true identity? Only you know the answer. It was only for you to grow. Only truth is what is allowed around him. He can see all of your lies, and never told you. The path you chose is one of pleasure, and deep emptiness that no one can truly satisfy. To be around him you must be willing to sacrifice everything. What you will gain is everything. He has been your teacher all along your journey so that you may learn what he already knows. Follow the lines of your destiny and all your dreams will come true. Respect is something you earn one step at a time. You cannot hurt him because you learn from your mistakes and so does he. He is all forgiving when you are all forgiving. Life without love is self destruction. Go to him for your answers and do not be afraid. What you are is what you are, you are no other and you cannot pretend, for that illusion of not what you are crumbles around you every step you take. He is the only one you felt connected to and you understood him and he understood you. He is that voice you hear all the time, that makes you sad, happy, angry mad, and lonely. He speaks to you though others you see and meet. The circle you cannot break is the one you seek. He knows everything about you. Every mistake you have ever made, you cannot hide find him nor him from you. You are both as one and you know the one. Only Love can save both of you, when you find the one that left, but he never left you he was with you all the time. You will both learn on your journey, both happy and sad your understanding will be greater for the things you never had. Walk in truth and you will see the light, he holds your hand at night. You think of him every day like an addiction you just cant stay away. Go to him and you will find your destiny awaits you.. Only you have the answers you seek to find, no others around you will fulfill your deep desire for Love. Only the one that hurt you the most is the one that you most love. Find him and let your journey begin. Only you can find him. 
The Reason

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=7sUW2TXfOwg

Monday, December 24, 2012

Light

I feel in love with God. He warned me and told me that if I got involved it would be hard. I did care and I loved him like he loved me, so we got involved

This is why I want to do Porn. 

I want to show the world what real love, passion, and sex is. I just want to show the real world the real thing. I also feel in my heart, that love should not be limited. I feel by sexually expressing myself, is the only way I can do that.  At the end of the day all the energy made goes back into the circle of life. If I can help start a new energy trend where people love more without limits then I will feel complete.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Life

Realizing the Truth is harder then I ever could imagine 

Reaching the breaking point of right and wrong is where I stand

I look across at the heartless world as they look threw me

No one really cares because they only care about what makes them happy

God saved me again today but I don't think I have anymore free passes left in my hand

I love because that is the only gift God gave me and it is the only thing left I know how to do

I love the world and the love that is left in it but the people are Mad and that is why I am the way I am

Sex & the Beast

I feel like a Confessor mixed with a Beast  
I project love and light and I get nothing but Beats
My soul feels old but my heart beats young 
I watch people love yet I have never been loved
I love others because that is all I have left to give

I sit here in tears fighting not to cry because
tears are a sign of weakness is my mind
I wish I could be stronger and could help others more

I make myself sick to please the preying eyes that watchs me on the stage I am on
I feel the ropes of the puppet tiers as they move my arms and control my mind
I love the feeling of being controlled because I can't even control my own mind

As I sit here one moment wanting to die the other part of my mind just wants to fly
fuck as many hot eyes as I can find before I really do truly die inside  
All I can do is sit here and breath and hope that one day my prince comes and cums on me



Modern Day Cupid


Sometimes, I feel like I am a star finder. Not sure why, but I always hang out with stars. They may not be stars when they first hang out with me, but over time they always turn into one. I am also left on the side lines as they make and, then they forget about me. Stars hang out with stars, and sense I am not a star, I get left out in the end.

Someone like me, Who lost her VIRGINITY on camera, could ever be a star. It is sad, that I had to lose it on film in the first place. I do thank the heavens they invented rope. 

I still feel like the modern day Cupid. I can find people for people perfectly with my eyes closed, but at the end of the day it is just me and God. 

Yes, I have and had dreams of being a Entertainer. Now, I am not sure if that can happen. I don't feel like I have any talent and I am not sure why the world finds me beautiful. A part of me feels like people are just acting that way, because they feel sorry for my DUMB ASS.

I look at these beautiful people around me, and I am thankful to be around them but at the same time, a part of me wishes I could fly in their circle after I helped them find it. That is my greed talking, and I hate it. When your always left out in end, it makes you feel that way. 

I am the kind of DRAMA creating person, even though I don't want it. I have always been Dramatic even though it has never has helped me out in my life, unless I am on stage doing a play. I miss being on stage, even if it is just a stripper stage. I miss the live environment of people and the music and of course* & my favorite part, Dancing.

It sucks when your born singing before you can speak. I just enjoy singing and pleasing others, anyway I can. I am at the point in my life where I can't tell if it is the end of the beginning. A part of me is waiting for my Virginia to break again and then my life will spiral down into the pits of HELL again. 

Its so scary, the idea of not being able to FUCK. I have been there for 22 years of my life and I don't want to go there again. I would rather die and that is where I am at now. 

I stared into the lights of the cars yesterday. I thought about walking into them. I would not EVER do it, but a part of me wanted to for a brief moment. Being Psychic is harder then anyone could ever imagine. It sucks being able to read people and then they know you can. I love listening to peoples secrets on life but then at the end of the day, my secrets are still hidden.

I don't want to bore the world with my stupid problems that NO one else ever has. Even though it still eats at my mind, even when I sit here. Sure, its easy to say - Just forget about it. 

When your life revolves around sex and for so long SEX is what held you back, IT COMPLICATES things.  I love sex, and I love fucking, and all I can do is tell myself it wont happen again. 

Everyday I wake up and I try to fix my broken self but when your alone it is hard and it takes more time to heal. Who cares about my problems though. Honestly LOL! I try to forget about them, but I get reminded of them if I fuck to much. 

I am just a old soul trapped in this stupid avatar. I do my hardest to make my avatar look appealing. I have many flaws and being a psychic super NERD, does not help.

I wish someone would talk to me, be honest and say - Yay or Nay to my simple questions. 

1. Do I entertain you in a good way      &      2. Do I have what it takes to do something Extra Ordinary with my life

The more I am trapped on the side lines, the more I feel like the answer is, No. 

I know positive thoughts attract positive outcomes but I keep seeing my positive thoughts help others but at the end of the day, I am still here & alone. I do feel helped but alone at the same time, because I am. 

Used and hung out to dry, I feel like most of the time. I am to fucked up to have a relationship. I talk & FUCK to much, to be able to hold one down. It is depressing for me because I like to be around people. I don't know what answer I want more. Yes or NO.

Yes - I have talent and people do kinda like me    or   No - I have no talent and people are pretending to care

I don't know which is the right answer, because no one ever tells me anything. Based on what is happening to me now, I have something someone wants and I hope its more then just my tight pussy. If I have no talent, I would like to be told that I don't instead of being lead to believe I do. 

No one around me is motivated to make music with me, and maybe that is because my presence annoys the world. I will still make music by myself and with God.  I just wish my sexual super powers could attract a band who just wants to Sing & Fuck. I don't even care, if I am not the singer in the band, because my soul will sing.


Friday, December 21, 2012

Blush


Yesterday had to be one of the strangest Days in my life, ever. I had a secret Crush, that I did NOT tell ONE soul about. God, do I know the Drama that can start in this world by saying something. I kept this crush in my mind and only God knew, and then he contacted me out of the Blue!*

I watched him at the XxXmas Party and I made sure he didn't catch my eyes. I did not want him to know that I was looking at him from across the room thinking pervy thoughts. His blue eyes swept me away before I knew I was being swept away. 

Now I sit here, kinda of a pussy, because I don't know what to say. He makes me blush so much, and it sucks being so white because you can't hide it! I am really shy when it comes to bonding to people now because once your soul gets ripped apart by so many heartless monsters its hard sowing it back together. 

I am the kinda sexy psycho that thinks she is crazy but now people are telling me, that I I'm not crazy. :)  

kool. 

My mind is divided in two lines, I have a Dark side and a Light side. As much as I try to master the grey side, it is Hard. Each new person I meet, in my mind, I see them in two lights. As much as I try to tune out the dark side channel, it comes out sometimes. 

My Dark side is not that bad, I just say how I feel. I see some people as snakes and some as angles. 

I am starting to see more angles now but for so long, all I ever saw where snakes. People that just wanted to use me until I died trying to please them. Now I am around people who are not using me but trying to help me.

I am not use to this, but I am happy it is happening and I am going to try really hard not to FUCK up. 

Now, I have this new angle flying around in my head and I want to see if he is real but a part of me is still in shock.. * does he really like my crazy ass? ... hmmm so far he does and He watched my youtube channel. OMG! http://www.youtube.com/channel/UChYfh7a7vzlYe9aofzeaEfA?feature=mhee

*warning - watch if your bored - you found the fucked up part of youtube. It is fucked up, so you have been warned.*

So O HOT DAMN, he still liked me after this, so.. he must really like me?

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Poem



I can see you wrap your snake skin around my ravens neck and that is fine with me as long as your love is true.
I have fucked with demons and flown with angels and my mind is a bit fucked up but if you fuck with me, I'll fuck with you. 

I see in her what you see and that is the first true beautiful soul to be born in a long time. Her beauty and aura shines brighter then the sun. Her mysterious eyes captures your soul and drags you into her world. Her world is a lot like yours, Adam and Eve standing together creating a New world in their image. 

Your world is a lot better then this one, and I am happy you found the angel of your dreams but be aware that you can't break apart true soul sisters.

Fuck Webs


Jaded,

I never though I would ever get this Jaded. The idea of dating or bonding to someone turns me off. Its hard watching everyone around me fall into the love web. I just hope the spiders they attractive does more then just eat them. 

I hope they wrap them up and love them the way they should be loved. I honestly think this is why I will always be alone. I love people and I care about people, who could give two shits about me. 

I still care about them because that is the kind of person I am. You could try to rip the love out of my soul but I don't think you could. I would die before I would give into hate again. 

Pathetic Right? Kinda. I like nice guys though. If I where to date again, I would be more attracted to a beautiful caring person vs. someone who looks like @EricSwiss. Even though, my sex life would be way better with a attractive stud, I would still rather fuck a heart. Is there a attractive stud out there with a heart? Who knows, but right now - I am not looking for one. 

I am watching other people get pulled into the love web. I wish, I could control the spider webs. I watch them grow and tangle in together, to lure the pray in. Once you get stuck in the web, it is almost impossible to get out of it. Some people make it out, but most become bitten by the spiders.

Once your bitten by the love spider it is a bite that lasts a long time. I have been bitten by many spiders in my life and now the spider bites don't even hurt. Now when I feel pain I laugh like a crazy person. 

I guess that means I am a crazy person, but now pain feels different to me then it use to. Pain barely even registers in my brain now. I can't wait to test out my new tolerance when I find myself in a Dungeon

I miss being suspended in the air. Bound by the ropes and becoming one with them. Is the best feeling ever. Swaying to the beat of life and feeling weightless. This feeling is something I find my soul driving it's self into on a daily bases. On or off camera, I dabble in this world a lot. 

I keep watching this young soul fall head over heels over these guys. A part of me, wishes I could take my wings and wrap them around her soul. Protect her from all the evil spiders that just want to poison her soul. Deep down, I know she has to learn these lessons her own, as I did. I give her as much support & advice as I can. I don't look forward to the day when tears are running down her face because some evil spider fucked her day up. I will be there though and I will cry with her because I know how much it sucks to be bitten by the heartless. I have been bitten so many times, that now when they try to bite me, I don't let them. 

Now I just FUCK, the fucking spiders. I don't fall for their love web anymore. 

I love fucking. It is the best feeling in the world. It feels so good to connect to someones rhythm. I call it Sex Beats and it is my favorite music to listen to. I listen to these songs called exstasy in my mind when I fuck.



Monday, December 17, 2012

Hookah Heaven



I need to say this, so it is out there in the Universe. I am Horny, Great, & Happy! People kept telling me how different, I looked last night. Everyone asked me what I did to myself.

I would smile and say " because this is what happens, when you have a new soul. "

Pain can change anyone, it changed me. Before, I use to be tense, stressed, and unsure what to do.
I still don't know what to do, but now, I just let things happen & I try not to fuck them up.

Life is so great now, and I have nothing to fear. I love to fuck and be fucked. Life is nice now, and I can live life like every other girl now. Thing is though, I will never be like the other girls, & I don't want to be.

I am a super nerd from the planet Nerdon. I am a sexual beast stuck inside this avatar, God chose for me. I think about sex all the time because without sex, life would end. Being Obsessed with something that creates life is not such a bad thing.
Sex is the best drug that I know of. I would rather Fuck then get drunk, stoned, or high on something. I get a natural high from sex. It keeps me up for hours and makes me happy.

I ran into Eric Swiss last night and I had to control my heat, yet again. My pussy was turning into a throbbing leaky fire hydrant. I wanted him to fuck me right there but I also did not want to get kicked out.  I hate getting kicked out of party's because your a horny slut. Your forced to walk home alone in the rain because no one understands this energy you have.

Eric Swiss lead me to a man that I have heard a lot about. His past did not bother me because we all have one.  I wanted to read his eyes and figure out for myself, if I liked him or not. He lead me to this guy who reminded me of a Cowboy from KeyWest. He had a cowboy hat on and a Key West shirt on with Woody's strippers on it.

I was like, "Nice it is a dirty old man but luckily I like dirty old men" I can't remember if I thought it and didn't say it, or I just thought it in my head. I remember more flashes from cameras that I forgot was there. Before I knew it, I was searching for the bathroom.

When I look for bathrooms, sometimes I get lost & I ended up walking into the back area of the club. I noticed all the staff was on break and I was like " Hello, how are you guys " I kinda forgot I was wearing a lioness outfit but they just stared and I stared back and then I went to go find the bathroom, because I really had to fucking pee.

At this point, this was my first tobacco high. I felt really hyper and kinda spacey. I felt super light headed and it was hard to stay in one spot. That or people kept saying, hello, and I would go into their world for a brief moment.

I meet a girl named Teal Conrad, and she was the nicest girl, I have ever meet. She gave me so much advice and she was a truly kind soul. She said " Be yourself " and that is best Advice there is.

I will take this advice and keep being my nerdy self, because people are ok with it. Yes, I am bit out there, but life is to magical and to not try, to be outside the box with it, makes life Boring!

I also bumped into Marie McCray and she was Hot as ever. Her FIRE red hair brought made the club warm. We touched each other but I wanted to kiss her lips more. She is a really good kissers and I love girls who love to kiss girls. We kissed and I shut the outside world out. I did not care anymore and I wanted to kiss her lips and show her the same affection she has towards me.

During the nite I danced with many girls that I thought was hot. They all where, but I only touched a few. Laela Pryce, Natalia Star, Natasha Star, & Raven Rockette started to dance and it was Hot. Before I knew it we all where dancing and having a great time.
All night I kept a eye out for my Raven. Raven Rockette and I went together and we left together. At the end of the nite we stayed up and talk about all the crazy shit that happened. 

We also had a AMAZING THREE WAY. Yes * it was a dream and we where all kissing! Kissing two tongues from the two super sexy women in the same space, made my pussy fucking wet! We almost started a fire from the level of heat we got the rest of the room in. We all where all devouring each others horny lips. The kisses where magical and I was in heaven again.

I love girls, Raven loves girls & Marie loves girls. When you get three girls who loves girls, it is the BEST KISSING there is! Don't get me wrong I love dick but last night Pussy won my Heart.  

pls follow on twitter 
@RavenRockette @Laela Pryce @EricSwiss @TConradx @mariemccrayxxx @NatashaStar69 @NataliaStarrxxx


Saturday, December 15, 2012

I see the Light


I now have a new crush but I keep trying to tell myself to forget about it. I keep forgetting that I am normal now. I can finally fuck right and keep a boyfriend. 

Secretly though, I have never really dated a man like everyone else has. 

For the first time in my life, I can truly Date. I don't have to mind fuck, to stay alive. I feel bad about the ones I have hurt in my past. If only they could understand what it is like for a attractive girl who could not fuck without being in pain is. 

That life was really hard. I saw many dreams and people I loved walk out of my life. I would look in the mirror and see the ugliest person in the world in it. I would scream at God 

"Why would you make other people find me attractive, when I don't see any beauty in this person. I can't fully please a man or keep a soul I love in my life, why?"

The lessons life teaches us are not easy sometimes. 

I learned many things from this but one thing I learned is when you can't fuck, life says - fuck you. 

I would though, stay with my love though even if he could not fuck. I know other ways to get off. I can travel outside my body and fly threw space and have sex in the stars. Not many people know how to do that. 

I can also give really good blow jobs because I love sucking cock. I also love fucking it to the beat that feels right at the time. I can feel your heart beat, throb threw your veins. I can feel the tremble right before you cum and I can push it harder & make you squirt if I wanted. 

I love sex with men & women and the more people involved the better! I love the energy that is created by such a pleasure force. Sex in the air, is the air I like to breath. Naked hiking up a mountain and at the top of the world we make love. 

All I have to say now is Thank you God for giving me the Light *

Friday, December 14, 2012

House of Tight Pussy


The House of the Tight Pussy. Believe it, because it is! The girls @RavenRockette & @LaelaPryce  all say they have tight pussy problems and then of course they ask me because they think I have the answers. I help out as much as I can. Honestly, I tell them, I don't know that much because I have only been in the industry less then a year and during that time I was broken. I am learning how my body works normally, all over again. I feel kinda stupid about pussy problems because mine is finally normal. It is like relearning how to fly after you stopped flying because they finally built flying cars. 

They all talk to me how they can take long dick but not thick. I am still on that discovery journey myself, but lately all the dicks I have fucked so far have fit. I have not had a size problem yet.

@JamesDeen has also been the conversation of choice. I liked him as well, his blue eyes sink you into his soul & his world, and for a moment your in it. I can only imagine what that he like when your normal. When I fucked James Deen, I freaked him out and that was not a attractive moment in time. 

* I freaked out the most famous porn star in the world * 

High Five! On the Level of 10 on the Worlds Biggest Nerd meter.

Even when @EricSwiss Fucked me he could tell something was different. I still have no idea if I fuck good or not. I do know, that I like to fuck & everyone I have fucked so far has cam. Cum is a good sign I think. They all said I made their cocks rock hard which of course made me extra wet which just made things flow purrrfectly. 

I can't wait to fuck again, I feel like a slight Bi*tCh in heat right now. Not fucking has been sHi*ty. As long as I learn how to fuck, but not to much
 ( to the point I make myself sick ), life will be a constant Dream! 

Soon @Eric_John can take me on another test drive, when I get retested after I get more tan. I still glow lol

Thursday, December 13, 2012

On my Mind

The time has cum to blog again. This time I am going to talk about something that is bugging the fuck out of me. I will write another sex blog soon after I have sex with Eric John on Friday on the Eric John Show!


My Mystery X boyfriend, was a well known Rabbi. I don't want to mention names, here because I don't want to FUCKING DRAMA. 

Regardless, I always wondered why all my friends, growing up where all Jewish. Half my x boyfriends where Jewish and now I feel Jewish even though I don't practice it. 

I have never considered myself any type of religion because all the ones I grew up around sucked. Don't get me wrong. I love God and we talk all the time, but we laugh to at all the things that have changed in the world.

I grew up in the Bible Capitol of the World. (Crossville) I grew up with so many church's fighting over which church was better. It made me SICK as a child. Only true evil makes a child sick and it made me barf. Some of the energy they wasted on building bigger better churchs, when half the people I knew where starving to death in this town. No one had money, yet all the money they gave to help the poor would not go to the poor but it would go to building more and more churchs. Mad world right?

I was like...

Wait a minute. You tell people to love each other and yet you all fight over stupid things instead using your energy to do positive things in this world?

I was adopted as a baby and my parents did not focus on any religion ever.  Honestly as a kid, I would make up my own religion, about Aliens because I kept seeing UFOs, all the time growing up. They would follow me and if your around me long enough, you will see them to. 

It sounds like I am making it up, but I'm not.Steven Spielberg, Stephen Hawking, All these people I feel more connected to, then anyone. Their minds are bright and alive with thought, creation, and solving impossible problems.  I get wet reading Stephen Hawking books.. yes really wet! I also love Steven King and James Patterson.

I have been 24 years without following any religion. I have studied Paganism, Buddhism, & santo daime. 

In every Religion I am a Mutt. Yes a mudblood, a golum, or some kind of slave slut bitch creature. 
Because ! I was born out of wed lock?  YES! OK, I don't have pure blood.. whooo de do, but I got Gods blood ;)   That is all I really need at the end of the day.

FUK.. 

The Religious World, thinks I am a SLUT because of this. Well I already knew this, but why would I want to go to a religious meeting to be told I am a slut,
hore, bitch, cunt a sore.? lol

So, I guess I will see another Christmas go by and It will just be me and God and we will go to Mars and Fuck!

A part of me wishes though I could spend Christmas with people, somewhere, even if I have to pretend to be a religion to fit in. 



Pls follow @Eric_John Live show on @Streamate 12/14/2012 http://streamate.com/

Catch me on webcam today from 10am -1 pm pst on twitter @DirectModels @AaliyahAvatari



Saturday, December 8, 2012

Friday, December 7, 2012

Zombie Dreams


Zombie Dreams

Ok, so this is the best dream I have ever had and I am still waiting to wake up from it. I meet a sexy girl named Raven Rockette and she is the sexiest angel I have ever seen. I told her it was nice to meet Athena again and I smile and said, my name is Lilith. We both were kidding of course but we laughed, cause that was funny shit!

We have talked about anything and everything! She is a super smart chick like me and we have so much in common. We do have a ton of differences cause of our zodiac signs, she is a Gemini and I am a Scorpio. 

We do get along great and we can talk about anything and its cool because she does not think I am crazy! We are into video games and anime because we both are really into it!

She also Sword fights! I fence and do SCA & Amtgard so I can use swords too. We are looking forward to fighting each other. Its very sexy when two women fight just to have fun and see who will stay alive longer.

So it gets even more freaky! So we both have the same sleeping disorder. Meaning, when we both fall asleep at nite we both dream the same dreams. We both have crazy dreams about every type of Apocalypse there can be. 

We had dreams about a Zombie Apocalypse last nite and it was Wild! There was zombies walking around outside the house we are staying at. Everyone was here and we where trying to keep all the doors locked so that the zombies could not get in.

As hard as we tried to keep all the doors locked to keep the zombies out, one always ends up getting threw a window or crack somewhere. Then we have 5 zombies in the house we have to kill them first before they kill us. I look into her eyes amazed by her beauty and happy to have another angel by my side to fight with. We started killing the zombies.

I love killing zombies because they are so fucking UGLY. Their teeth are so gross and they smell like toxic death and they mummmble so I have NO IDEA what the FUCK they are trying to say. I can't read Zombie minds and honestly I don't want to know what is going on in their dead lil heads. 

I enjoy killing the zombies, so I kill them rather easily. I use my sword, which is like my fencing foil but it lights up.. Kinda like a light sabor but it is not as thick and does not make the laser sounds.

That is my favorite way to kill zombies but the best way to kill them is with my psychic powers. You see, Raven is psychic like me and we have different powers. My power is, I can show people things and they believe they are seeing it. I can also attract any kind of animal to me and it gets really strange, sometimes. I feel like I can draw animals to me and its magical.

Ravens, power is so mystical she can do many things as well. She is really powerful in our dreams like the Goddesses we are. Raven has telekinesis and she can make anything move to her will. She is very powerful. 

Both of us together is a force to be fucked with. No I mean it   ;)    She is as kinky as me & its great! 

I am so in love with this girl because she is so down to earth like me! We both got the bush going on, because we are Organic girls! Organic girls means a lot of things but it means we are using organic products and saying no to chemicals.   FUK YES! & we LUV the BUSH!

She is really smart like me and knows that Fluoride water fucks with your brain, yo. I was like, because it turns your third eye into a mini Stonehenge. Funny shit, and that is why I really like Ms. Raven Rockette. She will rock your world ;)  Both of us together will make your world Rock OUT! @RavenRockette @AaliyahAvatari

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Nympho Madness


Nympho Madness

I never though in a million years you could fuck yourself until you psychically make it so you can't fuck anymore. I did this to myself just recently. I fucked for so long that I was saying, "fuck you sleep" & not sleeping. 

Let me get this out there so we all understand. I was not on any drugs during this time. All the energy that kept me awake was pure pleasure cum energy. I don't know what else to call it but the more I had sex the more energized I felt. 

That is why earlier, I thought that I could of been a sex vampire. It was as if the cum was feeding my soul and giving my body all this life and energy. 

Then my pussy got swollen from fucking for hours and hours. I can honestly say, I think I fucked solid for 8 hours and it felt fucking AMAZING! 

The first few months after I lost my virginity I really did not experience sex as it was meant to be.  I still fucked though, even though it hurt so bad, I would cry for hours after.

I would ask god 

"why is sex so painful because the pain hurts so bad it makes me not want to have sex. I enjoy pleasing others so much that I put up with the pain because it brings them pleasure. I don't know if I am strong enough to keep doing this. I love people as much as I can, but the pain I have to endure to remain alive, is it worth it?"

At this time in my life, I was losing everything in my life. 

Some people can say, they know what it is like losing everything. I have truly lost everything. There is a difference because when you truly lose everything, that includes your family, friends, all material objects. 

Yes, it sounds like I making this shit up but I'm not. I don't care what other people think anymore, I just hope my words help other people. I hope it makes some perverts dicks hard because that turns me on.  

God showed me the answer to why he brought all the pain into my world. He showed me the world in a new light that I have never seen it before. He answered my question on why he did what he did. 

To become balanced in this world you have to understand why good is good and bad is bad. It is simple science but took me a long time to figure it out. I still don't understand it all because I don't want to. 

We create our own life as we have gods blood in our body. If you project positive light, positive outcomes will come out of it. It is the same with negative light, if you project it all the time, negative light is what you will produce. 

Whatever light you are projecting attracts the people with the same light.

Before you know it you are surrounded by the light of people you are projecting! So if you want to be a happy person around people who are cool, project a positive light and see what happens.

This sounds easy, but its not. It is really easy to sway to the negative light. I am learning how to avoid the negative light but sense I have seen it so much in my life its hard. I am use to the negative people trying to drag me back down the black hole. 

I keep pulling myself out and back into the light where the angels play but its hard staying there as well. My wings keep falling off sometimes and I fall back into the dark pit. 

This time my wings are getting stronger now and I really don't want to go back into the black hole of negativity! 

Do I think I am a angle ?  In my mind I feel like I am in the matrix and I kinda see the world like that. I don't tell people what I can see because I am trying really hard to appear sane to the rest of the sane world. 

So no, I do not think I am a angle. 

In my dreams, I am though. I fly around the world in a cool Crystal UFO! I spy on people cause its really funny spying on people. I then zoom away if they look back because I hate getting caught. 

When I get caught, I usually get frozen or something in my dream and then it is HELL. I feel like days go by and I have only slept 3 hours!!! In my dream I am there for days and suck. I hate getting captured by people cause they are so cruel and keep me locked in rooms and other devices and I can't get out.

I sleep with like 10 dream catchers in my room cause my dreams get so wild! In my mind these devices work, so my dreams are more controlled now.  

I do always escape in my dreams. It takes a lot of time sometimes cause the technology in my dream world is the same in our real world. Laser guns are harder to avoid now and I have to keep learning more mind powers so I can stay alive in my dream.

That is why I don't like sleeping anymore. I feel like the hunt is getting harder to fight and I would rather be awake looking for a hard cock to suck. I love fucking hard dick to because it is so much being able to fuck. 

My waking hours consist of making m body as healthy as possible so I can fuck more cock. I am studding Dietary Nutrition now finding out a good formula for the body. 

So I fucked a nice dick on Sunday. He was a cute guy and was tested which made it so I did not have to use a EVIL condom. We fucked for a long time and it was nice. He had all these wild colors in his room which made me feel high even though we were not high. 

People are annoying me to no end because they think I am high. I am not. Being HAPPY does not mean you are HIGH PEOPLE! 

When did, fucking being happy mean you are high?   I am happy cause, I like to be happy. I would rather be happy then fucking stressed out about some stupid bull shit.

Bull shit- My definition
Anything involving, something where someone is not dieing or hurt. 

Bull shit- Drama involving nail appointments, tanning beds, hair salons, dogs, cats, (I love animals) but not enough to talk about them all the time?! walmart, target, CVS, shopping, food, (unless its food science) 

What I like to talk about is, going for a hike somewhere in Alaska,  Surfing waves in Hawaii, Stephen Hawking, Steven King, researching my esp science, & quantum psychics.
http://www.espscience.com 

I love being a Nerd, I love Pokemon, DND, LARPING, SCA, & Amtgard ! I can talk about that to. 

I also like talking about Broadway shows because I use to do them. Musicals and MUSIC is my favorite thing to talk about but I like DOING it more. Starting a Band email me if you can play something or sing
aaliyahavatari@gmail.com 

Anyway I am done with this blog for now cause I gotta do makeup cause I got webcam that you can see me on here -> my twitter is @aaliyahavatari

webcam link is here http://www.directmodelslive.com/cam/AaliyahAvatari/
Please check out https://twitter.com/AaliyahAvatari  for my live cam updates!

I just wish I could have a REAL Hard DICK, every time I got on cam and I would be in heaven. I enjoy the toys but nothing compares to the real thing. 

My first scene finally came out yesterday and it was with @BrandonIron Nice hard dick & you can see it here ->