Back to Life

The moment I felt my mirror of self reflection break, I felt alive again. A invisible force that was wrapped around my mind, body and soul let go when I broke it. I smiled knowing the beast no longer had its nets wrapped around my body. My original views and goals began to start flowing threw my blood again. 

Before I broke the mirror, I was dead. That was all that was on my mind. I saw this world and all its problems and I felt buried by them. The mud from the culture was all over my body. The mud was covering my soul and I was drowning in it. 

I could not see past my problems. I was fighting with my duality every second. I felt like I failed the world. I got into porn to show people true love and I thought I failed. I did not fail though, but before my mirrors where broken, all I saw was failure. 

Yes, I had Vaginismus, that caused me much pain in all my scenes. I wanted so badly to fuck and show the world the love I had in my heart, that I enjoyed the pain. I thought and was told many times that the pain was a normal part of sex. I finally found out, that was not the case and trained myself to control the illness.  Now I can fuck with no pain but I won't fuck in porn anymore. The money is not worth it to me and never was. I want to fuck guys who like me and guys who I like now. 

You can't find Love in porn. Love has been ripped out of porn. That also means you can't show the world Love threw porn. My mission was a failure to begin with, but I thought I could do it and tried. Porn has become Toxic like the rest of the world. The only way this world and porn can be saved is threw Love.

I soon realized fucking in porn is not going to save anything or anyone. A part of my soul really wanted to try again though, which is why I came back as Aaliyah Avatari. A new name with a new soul, hoping second chances would be given and they where. I only did one boy girl and girl girl scene but they where magical. I had no pain and the people where so kind. A part of me knew my past would come back and bite me and it did.

My super spiritual friends came back into the light and brought me back. I fought back as hard as I could screaming "Let me do this!" But the Universe had other plans. I soon accepted my new path and had to leave my old one behind. A part of me still felt like I failed because, I never became wanted by the industry, but that is fine. I know in the light of the universe, I did not fail. Love and pain was shown in all my scenes and I have no regrets!

Now I have the rest of my life to spend in the spiritual light and helping other people who are lost find their way back into the light. Love, peace, and light!